From aching sadness to strength and happiness.

I did it again. I visited New York in spring, when everything starts to bloom back to life. Everyone in the city is happy to be outside without layers and is grateful for the sunshine on their skin. My mental state this year in comparison to last year is pretty close to night and day. How could this be? Well.... Meds, therapy, exercise, not doing what I don't wanna do/ doing what I wanna do .. That's pretty much it. Some people should be on meds. Some people need someone to talk to. Everyone should exercise & make it FUN. (I don't care who you are... everyone has SOMETHING that involves getting off their ass that they enjoy - you just gotta find it) I have had to remind myself to "not do anything I don't wanna do" over and over again. If you don't want to do something it is more than likely for a reason. A prime example of this would be an occurrence that happened to me in the summer of 2010. I was working as a character at 6 flags during summer peak. The 100+ degree weather was only bearable because I was 21 and dancing around in a Tweety costume was a great workout, I had fun and working at an amusement park was exciting. I commuted to work from Silverlake to Valencia. In 2010 I lived with a clown in a magicians house and I drove an 86' gold Volvo station wagon. After working for almost a week straight my boss continually asked me if I could take a shift on Thursday I was so ready to have a day off. I said "no" to his requests all week, "no.no.no.no.no" Before he even had a chance to open his mouth I would tell him "no". Then Wednesday rolled around & as I was schlepping my costume in my "barrel" (a trashcan) back to "ACME" (wardrobe) my boss approached me from behind and begged for me to take the shift on Thursday. "Fine!" I said. Clearly dude was desperate.. The next day was rough. I was exhausted but I made it through the day. As I was heading home in bumper to bumper traffic in my Volvo with no conditioner listening to cassette tapes as loud as possible in hopes of keeping myself awake I kept falling asleep!i I continued to nod out to the point of DREAMING, then would suddenly wake up because there was a loud ass semi truck driving next to me.. I finally was an exit away.. "I can make it!", i screamed. Then I fell asleep and rear ended the car in front of me. They were so angry and so confused as to why I would just RUN INTO THEM! "I'm so sorry" i said "I was just so tired. Smashing into the back of that Jetta woke me right up and all I could think was .. "I never even wanted to take that damn Tweety shift" Do what you wanna do, not what you don't wanna do & you will be less miserable and will probably live longer .. Well... you will WANT to live longer.