Feeling overwhelmed...

I wish that I had stayed in New York when I had a job at a Raw food place IN MY HAND.
I should have listened to my mom when she told me to stay.
"Push back your flight... stay a little longer and see how it goes."
I didn't #listen..
I felt like I had un-finished business back in LA, meaning my job at Universal.
I was on the schedule.
I remember feeling like I was loosing my mind once I stepped out of the car back onto the streets of Hollywood.
"WHY am I here?"
I screamed in my head ... and probably out loud...
I had an appointment at the Gay & Lesbian Center, which I just so happened to pick as my mental health center on accident.
Everyone there was very nice but not very helpful.
Hollywood wasn't very helpful.
I should have never trusted Hollywood.

My mom used to listen to me when I needed someone to talk to, but hasn't had time to care since my dad was diagnosed with thyroid cancer.
Not to mention, she has her own stuff going on..
My sisters have their own stuff going on....
Everyone has their own stuff going on but each person in my family seems to be loosing it
and each person is extremely unapproachable.
I understand it, I would just like to be in a more loving environment.

I need love and happiness in my life...
Everyone does.

Everything feels like its shitting on me and there aren't enough hours in the day to clean it all up.
This isn't a woe is me post.
This is me venting.
Trying to come up with a final solution...conclusion...
The conclusion is this....
I have to remain calm, stay positive and make plans for the future without putting blame on anyone for anything that has happened in the past.
Everyone should express how they feel and communicate to one another.

I have to stop all of the "could have, would have, should have" and start making the right decisions.
I was using white out the other day when my friend Steve said, "Mikki, why are you using white-out? Do it right the first time."
So... That's what I'll start doing...
Making the right decisions..
Proofreading.
Taking my time if I have to.
We have one life.
Listen.
To.
Your.
Heart.